If you’re flying high, don’t be so hard on those who cannot support it.

I got into a TikTok argument today. Well, I wouldn’t say argument, let’s call it a disagreement. It all started when a user responded to a TikTok trend asking people to talk about a “sentence that absolutely killed you inside, but you pretended like it didn’t?” Now I have seen this trend responces about a dozen times, but it was user @lilkotobeats with a whopping 4 likes, who drew my attention. See most people talked about getting their heart broken or their parents saying something super fucked up, but Mr. Kotobeats responded with “a person close to me told me that my success was too much for them” I couldn’t tell if he was being genuine or just genuinely a narcissist. Because the way I see it, if someone has the courage to tell you that they aren’t in a place to be happy for you, it says everything about the place they are at in life, and nothing about your successes. 

When you are on a high doing well, it is not surprising to find yourself forgetting what it felt like when things weren’t going to great. However, the more you distance yourself from that feeling the easier it is to lose touch. Just because you are doing well in life, does not mean you can judge others who are not. I see so many people in various circles doing well. Whether they are starting a new business, succeeding in their current one, getting into grad school, getting engaged, having children. I see a lot of positives. I myself can admit from going from borderline s*****l in December to being happy healthy and hopeful now, ya girl is up! And it feels wonderful, that I can look on at others and not feel a pit in my stomach because I’m comparing my circumstance. But truly, having humility and understanding is important. I should be happy for others regardless of where I am in life, not just when I’m up. But it is completely human and normal to struggle with being genuinely happy for others when things aren’t going the way you want them to for yourself. Struggling to support others says more about myself and where I am than where they are. It has taken me a while to learn this. In order to root for my friends, I have to acknowledge how I feel and the space I am in. Sometimes to be selfless you have to be a little selfish—or at least self aware.

Often times we get convoluted in thinking we have “haters” first of all, none of us are that important, and secondly a hater is someone who hates something about themselves and it is highlighted in the success in other people. So, most times people who have something negative to say about another person without any real validity in their reason is a hater. For example, talking shit about Ciara because she went from Future to Russell Wilson, probably just means you’re insecure about your own relationship decisions. Now if a person is commenting actual fact and it happens to be negative, that’s just stating unwelcoming truths like, the Kardashians have a “bi-racial baby” complex and continue to get pregnant by misguided black men looking for a sense of family, only to abandon them, essentially leaving them worse off mentally than they were before. That’s just the truth, it isn’t stemming from anything but honesty and reality.

If a person is speaking badly about you and your successes, they are probably hating, and again it says everything about them and nothing about you, but if a person has the ability to come to terms with the fact that they are feeling threatened or uncomfortable with your success.. let it go and let them feel. It isn’t personal. 

One of my best friends, Roda taught me this a long time ago. If you can be honest with yourself, it is a first step. She has told me times where she wasn’t able to be there for her friends as much as she liked because she wasn’t in a place to do so. I see myself so much in that realization. There were times that I couldn’t cheer others on because of the space I was in, and I realized no matter how much better things got, if I don’t feel good about me, if I don’t stop comparing myself, if I don’t focus on my journey and acknowledging my wins, while also giving attention to my feelings during the losses, I can truly never be happy for anyone else. It takes a lot of courage to have that self-realization, because quite frankly its embarrassing. It’s hard to admit you care about other people’s stories to the point that you are judging your own. And it’s easy to feel like a bad friend or person when you aren’t able to be as  supportive. The things is, just because a person can’t support you right now because of their own shit doesn’t mean they don’t care. 

Friends and relationships are dynamic there are highs and lows. I would much rather have a friend be honest with me, than act distant or worse, unkind because of a feeling of jealousy or negativity due to their perception of my success. When I look to all those people around me who are kicking ass I remind myself, that not only are we on our own paths, but I don’t really know all the ins and outs it took to get them there. Even my closest friends have trials and tribulations regarding their wins that I probably won’t ever know about. When I take it and put that into perspective it feels a lot more relatable. 

So, remember when you are on top and doing well, to be compassionate and stay humble. Remember what it took to get you to where you are, and that no one has a story exactly like yours. Don’t vilify others who may not be able to support you 100% if they are struggling with being there for themselves. Remember the times where you were on the bottom and find patience in those like you were with yourself.