The Importance of Self Worth and Self Value

I do not know how to start this. Why? Because I don’t have the physical proof that Self Value and Self Worth pays off over night. I wish I could be one of those pyramid scheme con artists, (because flipping $25 to $400 in a day is not a thing people) who sell you this idea that you can get instant gratification from little work or experience. I wish I could show you the instant results of how self worth changes your life, but in actuality its being a bottom feeder, taking risks, getting virtually shit on, getting you’re heart smashed into a million pieces that shows you. These insanely awful things are the inventible things that will build up your sense of self.

You learn how to have hope, how to cope, and how to move forward. From wanting to give up, runaway, and move backwards.

You learn what you will put up with and what you won’t.

There is a hunger that builds in you to want more when you have less.

Whether it is passing a class, or starting your first job, you learn from trying to accomplish something how special the effort you put in trying really matters. 

High School sucked for me. I am not even going to sugarcoat that, not like I have been sugarcoating much since I started this damn blog. But it sucked, not like socially cause as my teachers kindly put it I was “easily distracted, too social, not working to her potential” but academically I literally would get anxiety on my way to class. And I was one of the kids who cheated. School represented this huge challenge to get to my goal of essentially getting to college, and then getting my degree, and then making 70K a year with 24% of that going to rent. Anyway, school was trash it was this obstacle course for me where I liked to learn but hated to be tested. I hated rules, I hated being told what to do, I hated taking certain courses, because I had to. But what I learned, aside from the fact that if I ever become a professor my students will get to make their own deadlines (don’t hire me) is that I have a hard work ethic, when I want something I get it, I have the capability to succeed.

College wasn’t much better, even though I wasn’t forced to take geometry or read Edgar Allen Poe or whoever is the basic author they make you read in the 10th grade, I was indecisive and had horrible time management. I was in love with a boy who lived miles away and was drinking and smoking way too much weed. Pretty much the same now, except this time I have a Bachelors under my belt. Not to mention I could never decide on a major. I applied to almost every single school at Howard University. That is not a joke.

 I remember, during my “I’m going to be a nurse to please my mother” phase I took a course called “Principles of Speech” and I had to write new essays or debates every week and present to the class. I struggled. I could never decide what to write about, my thoughts were all over the place. So naturally, after stuttering my way through another C essay I went to my teacher for help. Now keep in mind this happened like 6 years ago, as I write this story in 2020 Howard University has gone through some scandals and struggles. People stealing from financial Aid and shit. So I won’t out this woman and add yet more fuel to the fire, because come to think of it I doubt she still has a job there. I’m assuming she eventually fucked with the wrong one.

Anyway, like I was saying, as she is helping me I can’t seem to get my ideas on paper. I can’t write clearly. She has the audacity to ask me “Have you ever been in Special Ed?” Like not in a caring way, in a “I am frustrated and over helping you” way. I am not going to lie, I cried. As soon as those tears hit that paper that rat ass bitch knew she fucked up. That did not stop me though. I cried like a fucking baby like I couldn’t even get the guts to slap her, curse her out, because I was so insulted. I cried then I left, then I went to my dorm to call my daddy and cry some more. It didn’t help that I NEEDED and B cause I was already on academic probation. What was I going to do? I couldn’t drop the freaking class.

What I did next is shocking. Not like let the air out her 2010 Hyundai tires shocking. But shocking, brave. I wasn’t going to let her arrogance and inappropriate language define my self worth. Her opinion of me didn’t matter, her grade did. So I went back. I went back and I asked for help, and we sat and worked during her office hours. And my next essay was better, my exam scores were higher. In the end I got an A in the class, did it have to do with her guilt for being a cunt with a capital C? Nope, I calculated the grades myself. I earned my A. I wasn’t going to let that dummy call me a dummy. I was going to prove her wrong. I learned that the person’s opinion who matters most is my own. Valuing myself, caring about staying in school was what would define me.

And clearly she’s super shitty because look who is out here writing blogs and shit? Ya girl!

 You will feel like you are at the bottom a lot in life, people will make you doubt yourself. I literally had a co worker who made me feel like I had aged 3 years every time I had to talk to her alone, but these encounters do not define who you are, how you react and grow from them does.

And news flash after highschool and college, most times life is still kind of ass. Unless you’re like a famous rapper, or make Youtube videos, or you are fucking Blac Chyna. Your first job is pretty bottom feeder worthy. You may have 30K loan debt, while making 45K a year getting coffee and scanning documents. You will literally be doing all the work your co workers do not want to do. And if you are moderately attractive and have even a spec of talent and potential, EVERYONE IS GOING TO TALK ABOUT YOU. This is not a joke, after being somewhere for two years my co worker casually told me she and a couple other people were plotting on getting me fired when I first started. And she expected me to laugh and not throw my room temperature tea in her face. I did neither, I sat there and tighten the apparent “Dunce” cap sitting on my head.

I mean your first job sets the tone for how much you need to acknowledge  your own self worth because 85% of your co workers won’t. You might have to get coffee for every single person in the office and work super late hours, and do the grunge work and rarely will you be credited for it, similar to working at a bar. Nothing says you don’t matter like being a hostess and watching someone self seat. The point is people will overlook you, and you have to remember that this is all apart of the process of growing up. You matter to you and the people who love you. So keep working hard and do not forget that feeling of being at the bottom, because before you know it  you’ll be looking at someone who is in the same position you once were. So, when you are giving your coffee order, remember to say please and thank you.

Professional life is an important aspect of your life, it describes how you want to be portrayed to those who may not be close to you. It is an environment that represents how the rest of the world may see you. So work hard to show that you value yourself, that you have been through situtions where people who should value you, don’t. Earn  your self worth.. not for your sake but for the sake of others so they know you are not one to fuck with.

Let these experiences help you learn how to love yourself even more, because that is so important. There is so much hate, and negativity in this world, you have to always be able to depend on you to look out for you.

You won’t be this young forever. I am sorry or not sorry depending on how you look at, to tell you. So learn early that how you view yourself, how you value yourself means so much more than a paycheck.

Keep going through it, sling those drinks, seat those tables, work that 9-5, study for that exam,

Take risks, make out in the bathroom, tell them you love them, continue learning how to make really fucking good friends, and how to be a good aspect of other peoples lives, and know how to walk away when you know its time.

The more your self worth grows the better decisions you will make, the more opportunities will present themselves.

And last but not least, do not let anyone else’s insecurities bring out your insecurities because valuing yourself is not a competition, it is a revelation.