Your 9-5 Job Doesn't Define You.

This piece is an impromptu one, that was born from the depth of my stomach. I haven’t decided whether I wanted this to be a think piece on how people’s views of you don’t matter, or how to use workplace  misfortunes to your advantage. I decided its time to have a  honest conversation about what we put up with at the office. As someone who has a pretty clear idea of what I want to do with my life, the idea  of where I am now,  is temporary. A blessing, a stepping stone, an experience… but also temporary. My goal as it has always been, is to continue moving forward, after I leave my 9-5 job.

With this knowledge and the emphasis of knowing I have the potential to be and do more, 

 the premise of this piece is to be clear: when people can’t see you for your talent, work ethic, potential….fuck them. 

I know that’s not super profound, but I need to be clear about something. “Fuck you” doesn’t have to be about anger, or hatred. Sure it may start out that way, however telling someone or something “F you” means that you are no longer going to give that negative, festering, lousy subject any more of your energy or time. You don’t have to respect it, you don’t interact with it, you don’t have to entertain it, and most importantly – you don’t need it to define you. 

Let me be clear as I write this, I am still seething from my work interaction earlier today. However what was originally a monumental boil, has now turned to a soft sizzle that begins to lower with every word I type. 

The decisions I made today, allowed me to keep my job, keep my  dignity, and go about my day after this interaction, and learn something too all in one. 

See most times when work doesn’t go someone’s way they either do one of two things: They quit, or they plot some violent revenge that usually lands them on the news if you catch my drift… 

Or more realistically they keep a chip on their shoulder that festers and probably is the reason they end up aging horribly.

I had to figure out quickly at my workplace how to not fall under any of those three situations. 

I work with a couple women who, and how do I put this lightly, are the worst. One is a Director and one is a co worker. The Director, Christine, is an asshole. There isn’t any way to put it lightly. She walks around the office with a scowl on her face. She never has anything positive to say, quite frankly she makes me uncomfortable, and has made it more than apparent that she doesn’t think I do anything right. She barely responds to my emails, and honestly makes me feel like I am this mousy figure in the office – which my ego and I hate. The next is a co worker named, Janet. Janet sucks. I’m sorry I need to get this off really quickly, Janet can kick rocks. We used to be friends. We used to get drinks together and hang out as a group with another co worker. I think what bothers me the most is the fact that I used to trust her. The closer Christine and Janet got the more things began to feel, strange. Uncomfortable and my intuition felt off. The two spend copious amounts of time in Christine’s office talking about other co workers and complaining about the job in general. They make rigid changes to the rest of the staff and have little communication. It is beyond obvious, that I need to keep my distance. I speak to be polite, make sure I keep a paper trail when dealing with anything that has to do with either of them. 

Today though, I decided to stick my neck out on an incentive program I wanted to create for our office. I emailed Christine, as it was new protocol, the day before to hop on the phone, and never heard a response. In my follow up email I broke down my entire initiative and gave updates on a couple of other projects I was working on.  Christine’s response was nothing short of telling me that my project wasn’t a focus and that she had different priorities. That’s me putting it lightly. What she really meant was, I am oblivious to what is happening in this company and its evident by my idea. 

I can’t give away to much detail because of the fact, this job pays my bills, but she could not have been more off. It was evident that her assessment of my project, and the assumption that I wasn’t aware of the moving parts of this company meant she had paid little to no attention to my existence in the company at all. 

It infuriated me, I didn’t like how completely off she was, I didn’t like how disrespected I felt. My current project had been shut down and my prior projects had clearly never been thought about. I didn’t like how small I felt in front of these women in general, and especially in this email. I didn’t like that they either of them could not acknowledge my potential.

Any of these feelings feel familiar? 

I was pissed, and I honestly was ready to read her for filth with the receipts to match including all the times I had attempted to make a difference, and all effort I had put in to execute previous projects.  Honestly I wanted to tell her and Janet about themselves. How no one in the company likes them, and how they are two of the most miserable women I have ever come across….

But if I did all that a bitch would be out of a job. 

I needed to pause. I wrote out an entire email and before I sent it, I took a breath. In this moment I needed to weigh my options. 

I could read her for filth and have now two women I don’t like or respect actively have it out for me. 

I could quit and not be able to pay my bills, and with onlyfan closed for busines I would be out of a job for a hot minute. Plus, I’d probably be giving them what they want. And hell will freeze over twice, before I give Christine anything to smile about, not that she knows how anyway. 

I could begin to plot my revenge in an organization that has consistently proven that there is no fairness and justice in the world to 9-5.

Or I could let it go. 

Now let me tell you I really wasn’t feeling the last option, which is why I needed to call my friend and mentor Melissa.  I vented I ranted and raved about how unfair all of this was. I told her how betrayed I felt  I went on my entire tangent about ‘How Dare They.’ I told her I was going to confront both women, and call my boss out to address all my issues. Talk about anarchy. 

Melissa, who probably saved my job told me to take a minute. Her response was “why don’t you just say nothing” WHATTT???? --- but she made sense.. why not just let it go, because the truth is I cannot make someone like Christine see me for my ability, intelligence, ideas or anything. The other truth is she has been here before me, as has Janet, and they both will be here after I am long gone. Melissa knew my goals and my plans, she also knew my potential my positives, and was a true friend to call me out of my faults. 

A wise lightskin man once said “no friends in the industry” that is true, my brothers are my brothers and those two are no kin to me. More importantly, as Melissa shared – Its beautiful to be intuitive and intelligent, but you are destroying your peace by confronting everything you observe. 

How that person at work views or treats you doesn’t define you. More realistically, you have to be strategic with your moves in order to succeed and get what you want. The truth is, I don’t need to prove to a Christine or a Janet my work ethic, my intentions, my goals, my dream, shit I don’t even need to let sis know how my day is going. I just need to do my job.

What I do need to do is focus on the reason I am at this job, and a blatant reminder that because this isn’t the end all be all, there is no use in losing my mind over it. 

I’ve checked the analytics, if you are reading this blog, you are at a transformative time in your life. You may be fresh out of college, you may be at your first job, or third. Maybe you are finally settling down in a relationship. Maybe you’re a new mom. You are still making a name for yourself in this lifetime. 

So, when it comes to this job, you are working, or class you are in, or certificate you are preparing for, all of this is temporary!

So, when that classmate, supervisor, client, whatever it may be pisses you off – f them. Don’t let them take you out of the character that they can’t even acknowledge cause their heads are too far up their own ass to remember to be a decent person. 

In my case, I had to remember: this job is helping me pay for graduate school. My focus is making 6 figures before 30, my passion is writing and making that my full time career. Wasting time fretting over some rude person who scratched my ego, is only going to stunt me. 

This job, is going to stay the same after I leave, or it’ll grow, or it’ll fail – who cares my ass will be long gone. 

Remember why you were hired, remember what gave you the thick skin that you come equipped with. Don’t let someone else’s behavior change yours. You know what you bring to the table don’t let that be compromised by someone you wouldn’t eat with anyway. 

One thing I won’t do is waste my time. Sitting here being angry, acting out, or not working completely is a waste of my time. So instead, I decided to let it go. I will work around you. I’ll continue to be who I am because that’s how I got the job and stayed so long in the first place. And I will remember why I am here. My goal is to grow and to move forward not stay stuck in one bitter interval after the next. 

When you have someone that had you fucked up, you truly need to think F*** them, not “I’m gonna f*** with them” but literally, screw you. Your opinion, your behavior, your communication means as much to me as a person speaking gibberish backwards. 

In fact if it wasn’t for my terrible interaction with pissy Christine, I probably would not have written a piece while traveling, I would’ve spent my evening bullshitting. Instead it gave me the fuel to be productive. 

Where you are right now is so temporary and no matter where you go things are not going to be perfect. At my next job, there will absolutely be a Christine, a Janet, a Tom Dick and Harry. The one advantage is I know how to handle them due to these unpleasant experiences. 

So realistically, I’m not asking you to forgive them, this is not a Jehovah Witness meets whatever church Justin Bieber belongs to blog.

I am not asking you to put all your effort into proving someone wrong, or even once you’ve made it remembering the people who doubted you, this is not a Unabomber blog either.

I am telling you to remember why you are here. Remember your plan, your goal, and understand that the point of you being at your job is to better yourself. 

The work force isn’t fair, it’s exhausting, office politics are strange. The reason people are depressed isn’t cause they hate their jobs, they hate the people that are a part of doing their jobs. They feel like they are wasting away and wasting their time working for someone or something they don’t necessarily care about. So when small events of inconvenience or disrespect happen it often feels like the final straw in this irrevocable rat race. 

So, don’t let it be your last straw. Remember why you are at where you are at. If you aren’t so sure use that as fuel of a fire to figure out where you want to go. If you don’t play, if you don’t push forward, if you don’t let go and use your energy to better yourself – you turn into the exact people you can’t stomach at your job. 

Listen I am sorry, I’m sorry working can suck. I am sorry that life can’t be easier. I am sorry that whatever happened to you at work occurred. Truly I am because I can empathize with that. Now I need both of us to tighten up and get to what is next. 

I have never wanted to be successful more than when I am disrespected, because it reminds me that if I work smart enough I don’t have to be here for much longer. That goal is what helps me refrain from making an impulsive decision that I will regret. 

So play the game, stay respectful, stay kind, and stay focused on what it is you want to achieve. And use where you are at to your advantage. Utilize your vacation days not just for mental health days, but for job interviews, to work on projects, to study. Look at other avenues at your job that you can learn and grow. Check out other opportunities, and write down everything you know you’ve done, so when you revamp that resume and get the fuck up outta there your next job is going to be so impressed with all that you have done. Stay in your lane. 
Utilize what little or a lot your job has to offer while you’re there to receive. Even if it means observing how not to move.

Next write out your plan – write the manuscript to your dream life. If it’s to own property and stop working, reach out to people that own something, get you a side gig to make more money. Begin to write down your goals and potential steps to make it happen. Every time you get discouraged remember it can’t be worse than being miserable at a job that you don’t want to be at forever. It also can’t be worse than not having money at all. 

Talk to a confidant- If I didn’t have Melissa I would have lost my job. I would have let Janet and Christine have it, packed my shit up and left. When you are heated talk to someone who cares about you. Vent, rant, complain, cry. Do whatever to get it out of your system so you can keep it cute when you are among your professional peers. You are entitled to feel how you feel, you are not permitted to allow it to destroy you. 

Think about why you’re here – if you’re like me you have plans big plans, and anyone that undermines you should be fuel to remember why you are here. I like my job, I care about my boss, but there is no way this will be the end all. I have major plans for myself and my writing, and if it was my end all I damn sure wouldn’t allow myself to be mistreated or undercut. That’s not even good for my mental health. Your current job is a stepping stone, and you have to use it as such 

Think of what you have to lose – At the very least this job is keeping your lights on. Think about what you want in this life and manipulate how this job can get you there sooner. 

Remember this is all temporary – in a few years this is gonna be a memory, in fact in a couple days you’ll forget what pissed you off in the first placed cause you’ll be so driven to be better and do better for yourself.

Move forward, so you can move on to something that moves you.

***names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved