What My Early Twenties Taught Me

I had a rough night last night. The day started out well, I went to work I hit a late lunch that turned to happy hour with two coworkers, I had class and then the night took a turn. I was overwhelmed from family, friends, my love life, and personal reasons. I had a terrible crash and found myself curled up on the bathroom floor tears streaming down my face, my hair a mess, and the feeling that I had nothing or anyone to grasp me to lift me. I felt completely shattered. I felt like I was this walking enigma of failure – 1 step forward 2 steps back.

After the damage I caused myself, I felt tired. I felt so tired. I just wanted to sleep and not wake up until I felt better. So, I laid there with my cheek pressed against the damp bathroom mat with my knees to my bare chest and my head pounding, with my nose stuffed to the brim. My eyes were swollen from crying and I felt suddenly so small in my skin.

After a while I couldn’t tell you if it was hours or minutes, I lifted myself up off the floor. I grabbed my favorite blanket, I wiped my face, and I moved myself to my couch. I turned the television on to a mindless show and comforted myself until I drifted off to sleep. 

This feeling was familiar, this was an experience that I have had when I was younger, and I thought about young me. I thought about Ivana at 20 no longer a teen but still a child. 21, 22, 23-year-old Ivana and her trials and tribulations. Her heart break and panic. I thought about her stressors.  I also thought about her wins. I thought about love she experienced, I thought about the times I picked myself up off the floor. And how those past moments I was going to get through this one as well. 

That is what your twenties are about. It’s that time where you are truly responsible for yourself, and it is up to you to heal you, and figure you out. Its probably what life is about really, the journey is figuring out your journey, but your twenties in my opinion at least, is the meat and potatoes of it all. It is your first jump into adulthood, as you get older you get more comfortable with figuring yourself out. Or at least the idea that you’ve gotten to know one version and you are ready for another. 

If I could talk to younger Ivana I would tell her that she’s much stronger than she gives herself credit for, and to not judge the other lows that will come, because they are not nearly as frequent as the highs. I’d tell her to accept the things she cannot control and to stop trying to control things to prove that she exists. 

I asked 6 of my close friends to give advice to their former self, their younger version, their early twenties. A time so sacred but so experimental that they didn’t realize how fragile and strong they were at the time. 

My friends that I have seen at a low and at a super high. Women that are rooted in themselves but still have times where they felt they could unravel. I asked for one piece of advice they would share. Very simple, very direct, and maybe what you need to keep going when feeling like all is lost. An ode to the early 20s 

Camille who is in her late 20’s now and a Director of Marketing for a major restaurant chain: 

My advice would be don’t sweat the little stuff and that everything will work out in the end.

Sam who is an Auditor and Consultant for one of the big four:

My advice would be to love myself first and say no with confidence

Carri who is is graduate school and works in Human Resources: 

Be a hoe, no seriously, be free do what you want, and don’t worry about other people’s opinion of you

Kemi who is an entreprenerd with her own hair styling business and working as an accountant, also a recent MBA graduate:

I would say, invest in myself. Both physically , mentally , and emotionally. And to stay consistent in things I enjoy doing. Don’t put my peace on the backburner

Roda a mother, artist, and works in billing and accounting for a major DC organization: 

My early twenties taught me that you just have to move through life remember who you were in the past, your childhood and how that can affect you today. You come to the realization to whether all the fruits that were planed as a child were ripe, raw, or rotten. Whatever it may be it requires the work to keep growing and continuing to remember and build who you are. 

Bev a Howard undergrad and gradschool alumni, working for a big 4 accounting company:

Always commit to myself, when you do that it will all work out. Follow your intuition. Don’t ever think that somebody knows better than your intuition. No one has higher authority over your intuition.

And then there is me, a writer, Howard Graduate, someone who works in operations and finance for a non-profit and lives on my own. Times haven’t always been easy, and I accept that they probably won’t get easier, I will just be more experienced. If I could talk to my early twenties self I would say: 

Stop calling yourself fat, you aren’t fat, stop stressing over your weight, don’t think so little of yourself. Know that you are going to get through whatever crisis you are in right now, you always do. 

I hope these help, and I hope you share these with someone who needs it, because I truly believe there is someone out there who needs to hear it.