I'm Going Through Changes

Happy New Year! We made it out of 2020. If you are reading this right now, I want to say: God Bless You. I also want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my work. My site is a year old, and I have fallen in love with every piece I have written. People have seen me vulnerable, and creative, and bold. This blog has given me the ability to express my thoughts, share advice, and tell stories that I think are relatable. I have loved being consistent and am so blessed to continue to do what I love: which is writing. 

2020, do you all remember that year? It was an absolutely shit show starting with Kobe, to COVID, with a little sprinkle of what the fuck in between. I mean, Alex Trebeck? Chadwick Boseman? Racial inequality to the point that we risked our lives for justice. And Donald Trump’s existence in general. 2020 was a dumpster fire. Half of California was literally on fire. This year has been exhausting and traumatic, and whether ringing in the new year at peace alone or with a few loved ones, I hope has been cathartic for you. 

See this year is not just about “new year new me” it is “new year, we made it” this year has been about being appreciative for how far we have come. The thing is, January 1st 2021 doesn’t mean that everything is fresh and new. We are still on lockdown, we are waiting for our new president to enter office, we are still dealing with inequalities. There is still work to do. But what that means is real change is coming. Real positive change. 
We as a people have gone through a lot. Individually, I know some of us have experienced major highs, and major lows. Myself included, I take my L’s… from break ups to existential crisis, to quarter century life crisis. I am not the only one who has personally gone through it. I also have to acknowledge some wins. I saw weddings that displayed real love despite the world feeling like it is falling apart. I have seen people finish school, get accepted into school, and attend school despite the circumstances. I have seen entrepreneurs let their business take off. I have seen women become mothers. 2020 brought chaos, but it also reminded us, we have to remember that hope is always on the horizon, and that silver lining is shinier than we give it credit it for. 

There were good things this year for me, that I would be insane to not acknowledge. I personally made more money this year, I had a spiritual awakening, I fell in love, I made stronger and more friends, connected more with family, I moved into a new apartment, I lost weight, my writing work grew exponentially. There were definitely highlights. 
Enough about me. The point is, for all the negative moments that 2020 had to offer, the wins, no matter how big or small, matter. They matter because you did it despite the odds. You made it to 2021. You made it to today. You are so much stronger than you realize. 

Every year I think we put a lot of emphasis on what we want to do or accomplish for the new year. Despite time being a social construct, it is kind of strange how for a specific amount of time we give ourselves a deadline to reach massive goals. We suffocate ourselves with this imaginary pressure that no one has to live with, but us. Don’t get me wrong, you need to have goals. You need things to motivate and look forward to. Things that you will look back on and be proud that you were successful with. However, I think we need to question why we set these goals. Are you doing it for yourself, or for the validation of others? 

Set reasonable goals, things that you can do that will make you feel good about you. Whether that is going to the gym or walking more, talking to a loved one every day, learning a new skill. Things that make you feel fulfilled and play on those self love heart strings. Set a goal to find ways to be more positive, to smile more, to spend time with friends. Set a goal to to move up at your job, or the steps to taking on that business you have been putting off. Make goals that you. enjoy working on and won’t punish yourself if you don’t meet them. I know this may seem like some gushy bullshit said to make yourself feel better. But that’s because that is what we should strive to do. Make ourselves feel better, so we can perform better, and be better for others. I’d much rather tell someone I am happy, than I am busy. 

Every year I sit somewhere private. Whether that is a park or in my car, or in my bedroom. I record a video or voice message to myself. I summarize my last year, the good, the bad and the not so memorable. I sit and thank God for making it this far. I reminisce on things that made me happy. I take the time to tell myself how proud I am of me. I validate myself. I give a summary for future me to compare and contrast. Not judge and condemn. I list my goals for that next year. Things I would really like to do. The next year  on the eve or maybe the morning of the New Year I listen to the time capsule message from the year before. I usually am surprised by the changes. I feel like I am listening to a story that I know the end of. Or atleast what is to come. After listening I talk to me. I usually am giddy or excited about the new circumstances or I am realistic on things I still need to work on. It is my space to be honest, real, and kind to myself. I strongly suggest everyone do this. Have time with you to really reflect. We often do this on birthdays, but in my opinion that can sometimes bring a negative connotation to age. I would prefer the new year, where everyone is experiencing a turn of time. You may find you feel a bit less alone. 
Doing this will help you though, more than you realize. These messages from you to you serve as space where  you talk to the one person who cares and loves you the most: yourself. 

So this year I say we work on setting intentions, not so much resolutions. Things we feel we are in the right place to accomplish. I’ll start with mine. They are applying to grad school, compiling a book, and working on a podcast. The intentions I plan to continue to work on are, being genuinely happy instead of focusing so much on making others happy. Being more present. Continuing to love myself and feel whole on my own. Continuing to be spiritually driven. 

I chose these as intentions that I feel strongly about putting effort into. Things I want to do for me, not for anyone else. Not to impress anyone, not to prove anyone wrong. They are actions that I know will make me feel stronger, better, and faithful. 

Words are powerful. Take this time to think about things you want in your life. Simple things that would make your life better. Maybe it is being healthier, maybe it is being more confident, maybe it is being more organized. List those as intentions and then list a couple actions that coincide with that. It could be going to therapy, it could be drinking less, it could be taking dating seriously, it could be taking a break and focusing on yourself (but actually  focusing let’s not be toxic and have meaningless relationships to fill a void honey.) It could be spending time with friends weekly, or it could be spending more time with your family or pet. It could be setting a wedding date, or starting your business. See where you are in life and base those bigger actions on the ways you wish to feel healthy fulfillment. 

You deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel content. That may mean taking your foot of your own fucking neck and doing daily things that make you feel that way. Some suggestions would be:

1. Wake up and make your bed, then drink water you have been sleeping for hours

2. Don’t look at your messages for the first hour you are up

3. Listen to music that motivates you, not make your heart race

4. Talk to people who make you feel good. It’s okay to distance yourself from those who cause you turmoil, and acknowledge if you may be that for someone else at times (Hey G)

5. Take a warm shower

6. Meditate even if for a minute

7. Journal, write or video, every morning. Have an honest conversation with yourself about how you feel

8. Eat something yummy and nutritious 

9. Say your affirmations 

I promise you if you do these 9 things every single day, you will find that meeting those intentions becomes a whole lot more attainable. Pressure with lack of motivation leads to self deprivation, which then causes acts of frustration. See what I did there? 

Listen, if you are here. You have experienced some great wins. You have made it through another year..a lot of us didn’t. You have grown and become stronger than who you were a year ago. You have experienced things you didn’t think you would or could. You also have had some lows, you have had some days that you thought : what the fuck is going on here? You have seen others seem to persevere while you are hanging on by a thread. You have had some downfalls, and taken a few L’s on the chin. However, if you are reading this: relax your shoulders, take a deep breath, look at 3 items in your eyesight. You are still here. Things are okay, you are okay.

Speaking from someone who has both rocked it the fuck out, and also cried due to a depressive episode 30 minutes before Christmas. There are highs and lows. But there are blessings in both. 

So with that, I say keep going. Happy New Year. May God Bless you with your continued success. You are loved and appreciated.  

Here are a few affirmations to say everyday. Say them, and imagine the feeling or experience that would equate to them. Wake up in the morning and thank God, Spirit, The Universe for three things you are grateful for, and during the day before life begins to distract you, say theses things:
Affirmations

I feel seen. I feel loved

I choose to believe I’m being prepared for a massive life upgrade

I am stepping into a reality in which I’m courageous and creative

I feel safe. I feel free

I am insanely creative

Everything is as it should be

I wake up everyday being HAPPY, HEALTHY, WEALTHY

I am evolving

The partner I seek is now seeking me (you can switch to family, friend, whatever fits)

I am intelligent

I am beautiful

I am worthy