The Art Of Expression

I went outside today to walk my dog. It was a bit brisk, but there wasn’t any wind. A perfect chill that a native New Jersian doesn’t mind. The snow trickled down from the sky, dancing upon the skin of my jacket. The sound of paws pressing against the slush made a beat that felt simple to follow. I looked up every so often, and really stared at the sky. The idea that there was no sun to be seen but light to illuminate the day. Another example of God working when you don’t notice or give credit. I opened the icy gate to allow my dog into the park. I was greeted by a few wagging tails and the rosy cheeks of a fellow neighbor, Clara. Her dog’s name is Cora and she hadn’t been out there more than 10 minutes. Cora chased my dog for a while. A Chocolate Labrador crept up behind me as we spoke about the weather and owning dogs. Simple kind conversation. I pet the soft coat, the sleek fur at my finger tips while light snow flakes kissed the back of my hand. I felt like I was in the beginning of a movie, where the character had lived so much life and everyone who was watching would only have about an hour and half to catch up. I continued to chat with other owners.  Learning the owner of the Labrador’s name, Jorge. Unlike his dog, Jorge was shy and reserved. I made note to remember his name, and his dog Milo.

I looked up to see my poor baby covered in snow and ice, grinning and panting, tired and happy. Something so simple as going outside had given her a sense of purpose for the day. I wished it could be that simple for humans. It is, I should say, I wish we acknowledged it.

I came home and sat in my favorite corner on my couch and began to type this story. I looked outside and watched as that sun I was searching for a half an hour earlier had disappeared. As I gaze out the window I think about how nice it would be to hug the person I love, I think about how nice the spring will be, I think about how beautiful it looks outside.

I couldn’t decide what to write about tonight. My numbers last month were low. To be honest, when I realized it I wasn’t very surprised. Promoting has felt like a struggle, I re-uploaded a couple old pieces, writing had slowed down. Its funny, when people ask me about myself I tell them how much I love writing. What I don’t say is that sometimes I don’t fucking feel like writing. Like most creatives you can feel it, you can have ideas and goals and ambitions, but being a creative isn’t like clocking in and working on an assembly line. It isn’t your 9-5 office job where you have tasks that are repetitive and cognitive. It is about inspiration, and motivation. Most times I find myself trying to fix someone  else, make them my project while I procrastinate on my own. Usually we see entrepreneurs post we see the grind. We see the success not the times when things are low and slow and your questioning why are you even doing this shit?

I started questioning myself and why to keep going. I mean I have a degree and a great job, I could make this a light hobby. Post when I feel like it. I promise this isn’t a threatening retirement letter. I just thought about the point to keep going. The struggle I had to come up with something to write, followed by the motivation to do so.

I pondered, and then thought about my life if I didn’t. I thought about how I would express myself, I thought about how I would connect with myself, I thought about how I would connect with other people. I thought about how empty life would be if I had a gift and chose to waste it. To keep it kept up in a closet collecting dust over the years, making room for more of my baggage that I hadn’t addressed. I thought if it were so easy to give this up then imagine how easy it would be to give up on things, and people. I am not a quitter, like friends, family, and lovers will tell you, I am a persistent being. Especially when I see the light in something.

I see the light in writing. I see the purpose in telling a story. In reading and identifying, in listening to someone share parts of their soul. I find vulnerability incredibly appealing and important. I think of those who block others out and how heavy that must feel. I think about how if  I am sharing a bit of myself with others I will feel a bit better, and if they see themselves in my exposure I’ve fulfilled a bit of my purpose.

You need to write. You need to express how you feel, you don’t have to share with others on social media. You should write though, you should write to communicate to your soul what you see. What is causing you pain, what it causing you happiness, what is causing you grief, what you want. Write so you can face what actually is inside of you. Write to manifest your dreams, write to pray to God, the Universe, or whatever it is you believe in.

If you are a creative, an artist, a writer, a designer, a chef, a musician. You should continue to create. Regardless of the times where there are lows or the times that are super high and you have an excuse to take a break. You should create and keep creating because it is your purpose. You may have that day job, or other responsibilities, regardless you need to create. Don’t let life get in the way when life should be the inspiration. If for anything else to fulfill your purpose or allow it to help you figure out what your purpose could be.

We don’t really know the point of this life. Its true, like why are we alive? What’s the point of living other than the guilty fear of death? When does life get perfectly perfect? I hope no one is smoking while reading this, cause I know I’ve taken a trippy turn. The truth is we live life to prepare for what’s next most of the time. Religion teaches us to  live a really good life so that heaven or eternal life is pleasant. Sometimes we don’t find a point to life and use that as an excuse or crutch to act out or lash out. I think the point of life is something personal to each of us. I think your time here on this earth, the way you treat people, the way you treat yourself is crucial to making life worth while.

I think we should spend this life searching and figuring ourselves out instead of constantly waiting for what is next and hoping that it is better than what is, while ignoring what we have. (I think I should take my own advice) Mainly though, I think about the people who didn’t give up on their gift or their love and purpose to create and the impact they have had on the lives around them.

I think about Amanda Gorman, Zaire AKA Lady London, Tevin Scott, Shenarri Greens, Issa Rae, Imani Cohen AKA Hood Healer, Gabrielle Union, Ava Durney, Jhene Aiko, Toni Morrison, J.Cole, Drake, Faith Ringgold, FKA Twigs, Raury, Emmanuel Anaye

The list goes on. Where would life be if they decided to quit, to hang it up?  I think about how their creativity, and perseverance has shaped people, it’s inspired others myself included. There had to be times where they thought, my time is running out or why am I doing this? Times where it was easy to get distracted on temporary problems with surface level solutions, but decided to push through, work on themselves and create.

I see so many talented people come across my social media. I talk to a lot of people who tell me their dreams and aspirations, I’m blessed to be a warm space for them to express themselves intimately in that way. It reiterates my same belief that if you have something you like to do, a gift that you know you’re strong at, you should pursue it. Even at times when you feel down or question why? Just keep going because at the very least you are expressing yourself.

Others should see your work. Because your work is good, and people should get to experience what you have, and you get to watch your work evolve. So if there is an idea, that you are on the rocks with, I say just try. It doesn’t hurt to try, you’ll feel braver, bolder, more excited that you gave it a try. If you keep going eventually you will succeed. If you have an idea, a marijuana business, a lash line, a daycare, a new app, a book, a blog, a real estate license,  a virtual menu, a DJ set, an art gallery. Pursue it. I’m not saying quit your job, but at least really start going after what you enjoy.  The chances are much higher than if you just let it sit and collect dust. You can make a difference in someone else’s life while fulfilling your own.

You have a story to tell a story in which someone who may have been a supporting character is impacted by experiencing your life to some degree. Those who get to witness it whether in music, or art, or food, or writing, they get the chance to feel connected. At the very least in this world full of millions of people, and lifetimes continuing to grow and stop.. its nice to feel seen for a moment. Like a wave from a blurry reflection while you walk along your journey.